One of the things we've lost over time is the recognition that arguments are for finding truth, not something to win. Just the mistake your two lawyers were making.
I enjoyed reading this. Even if it was a stark reminder that I do this sometimes, present my argument. Instead of feeling for the outcome I want and expressing that. Obviously I blame the systems (any, take your pick). We all have been trained to justify our existence rather than revelling in the joy of being one strand of the web that holds the neighbouring ones in place.
This piece reminded me that real connection isn’t in perfect explanations. It’s in being willing to sit with someone in the gap between what we mean and what we manage to say. That’s the real work. And most people never get that far.
Yes, Lisha. You used several fantastic metaphors to illustrate this beautifully as usual! It's like I'm trying to teach my group to focus more on process than content. More of "what is compelling you to say that right now?" , rather than focusing on making the talking points . It takes patience and trust (from all of us ;), doesn't it?
Communicating to listen and not defend is a profound way to share and care. And you have so correctly said that at times silence can build and connect better than any words in the world. Having a faith in each other and allowing the slience to sit between can help tremendously.
Lisha, this is very interesting. I am currently having a conversation with text type messages in a long distance relationship. Language is also somewhat of a barrier. So I'm not sure my concerns are being heard and/or understood. I am also not sure of the impact my statements have since the only tone that comes through is what is on the page. Trying to be kind but direct in this type of setting is a real bear. Thanks for bringing this type of communication to the forefront.
Lishi you did it again. You captured such an important moment that so many relationships (not just couples, across all forms) experience and just dove into the raw vulnerability that lurks beneath the surface. The title lands so deeply as you drink in every word. Because it is so rare to share just to connect and not to prove your point, be right, not be wrong or whatever it is that the words can't cover. You're right: "most people have never been taught how to listen without preparing their defense"
Btw I like Lisha Shi very much, maybe too much. When I do writing in Chinese I 100% run it through a.i. The problem is, a great amount of a.i. training data is .. advertizements. Because they are ubiquitous and free and marketable advertising formats are much too over-represented in a.i. training data. One sentence paragraphs are an a.i. tell, especially a whole bunch of them: because that's exactly the format of a sales letter. But sales letters are written at a 12 year old level and intended to drive as in compel the reader to make a decision, to buy a product. And most other writing is not that.
A series of one liners is a real bad idea. A.I. still sucks at making paragraphs.
One of the things we've lost over time is the recognition that arguments are for finding truth, not something to win. Just the mistake your two lawyers were making.
I enjoyed reading this. Even if it was a stark reminder that I do this sometimes, present my argument. Instead of feeling for the outcome I want and expressing that. Obviously I blame the systems (any, take your pick). We all have been trained to justify our existence rather than revelling in the joy of being one strand of the web that holds the neighbouring ones in place.
This piece reminded me that real connection isn’t in perfect explanations. It’s in being willing to sit with someone in the gap between what we mean and what we manage to say. That’s the real work. And most people never get that far.
This is such a beautifully presented article, thanks Lisha.
Yes, Lisha. You used several fantastic metaphors to illustrate this beautifully as usual! It's like I'm trying to teach my group to focus more on process than content. More of "what is compelling you to say that right now?" , rather than focusing on making the talking points . It takes patience and trust (from all of us ;), doesn't it?
Communicating to listen and not defend is a profound way to share and care. And you have so correctly said that at times silence can build and connect better than any words in the world. Having a faith in each other and allowing the slience to sit between can help tremendously.
Lisha, this is very interesting. I am currently having a conversation with text type messages in a long distance relationship. Language is also somewhat of a barrier. So I'm not sure my concerns are being heard and/or understood. I am also not sure of the impact my statements have since the only tone that comes through is what is on the page. Trying to be kind but direct in this type of setting is a real bear. Thanks for bringing this type of communication to the forefront.
Well done! I really like this Lisha. Thank you.
I feel gelt when someone understands the words that i don't say or am.not able to say or express. The words that stuck in my mind and refuse to flow.
I really hate.
One sentence paragraphs.
That run on.
Page after page.
Of. One. Sentence. Paragraphs.
It remind me
of a sales letter.
Of false bravado
of A.I. writing.
stop.
don't write
like this.
I'm not a child.
Long form content isn't a sales letter.
Lishi you did it again. You captured such an important moment that so many relationships (not just couples, across all forms) experience and just dove into the raw vulnerability that lurks beneath the surface. The title lands so deeply as you drink in every word. Because it is so rare to share just to connect and not to prove your point, be right, not be wrong or whatever it is that the words can't cover. You're right: "most people have never been taught how to listen without preparing their defense"
Btw I like Lisha Shi very much, maybe too much. When I do writing in Chinese I 100% run it through a.i. The problem is, a great amount of a.i. training data is .. advertizements. Because they are ubiquitous and free and marketable advertising formats are much too over-represented in a.i. training data. One sentence paragraphs are an a.i. tell, especially a whole bunch of them: because that's exactly the format of a sales letter. But sales letters are written at a 12 year old level and intended to drive as in compel the reader to make a decision, to buy a product. And most other writing is not that.
A series of one liners is a real bad idea. A.I. still sucks at making paragraphs.